


Don't grow up to be like me

by iSpiritual



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Case Fic, Dean-Centric, F/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Psychology of Dean Winchester, young reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6608818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iSpiritual/pseuds/iSpiritual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets a call from an old hunting partner of his Dad’s a man that had become practically family to them until John and the guy had a fallout, he and Sammy head on down to help but when they walk into the motel room Dean is confronted by a girl no older than twelve a rifle trained on him and she reminds him so much of his younger self.</p>
<p>A/N: More Dean-centric focuses on how Dean became who he is with psychology theories, less focus on the hunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't grow up to be like me

**Author's Note:**

> Please check out my other stories! 
> 
> Currently writing a series called Unwanted ties would really appreciate it if you checked it out!

Dean kicked the door to the motel closed with his food a bag of food on one hand and his mobile phone in the other, after getting a call from a guy named Marcus a man they haven’t seen since they were kids it had been a good what maybe ten years? Dean was buzzing with excitement of the prospects of a hunt. “Sammy, remember that guy that dad used to know, Marcus?”  

“Woah talking about at least fifteen years since we’ve seen him, we were just kids.” Dean nodded,

“He got my number of Bobby and asked for help on a hunt.”

Sam leaned forward, “What is he hunting?”

“Wendigo, nasty one by the sound of it. It’s already killed five people this month.” Sam sucked in a breath remember the last Wendigo they ganked back at blackwater ridge, which wasn’t pretty to say the least.  

“So we goin?”

“He knew dad and helped him out in a few hunts, so I guess we kinda owe him.”

With the confirmation mid from Sam they ate, packed up and was in the car heading off for the state of Utah to the town of salt lake city.  

Marcus was an older man in his mid forties but looked good for his age, with his slightly greying black hair and tall build. He was a well respected hunter in the hunting community but recently he’d dropped off the radar only taking much smaller hunts. The last time Dean and Sam had seen the hunter was when they were teens, Dean has not long since turned nineteen and Sammy was fifteen. It was a simple salt and burn that turned out to be anything but simple, the spirit had gone all hulk on the throwing Sam hard enough to break his arm.  

“Look at you two! Last time I saw you Sam you were tiny!” Marcus brought them both in turn for a hug patting their backs as he did. “Good to see you boys.”  

“Can say the same for you, old man.” Dean teased and Marcus glared, “I can still kick your ass Winchester. Anyway I’m glad you guys came this Wendigo is one nasty son of a bitch.’

Marcus pushed open the motel door and ushered them both inside Dean swaggered in only to be stopped by the sound of a gun cocking. Dean looked straight ahead but had to look down at the small child that hand a hunting rifle trained on him. There was a steely eyed look of determination in those (E/C) orbs but Dean caught the tremor that no trained person would see, her finger was poised on the trigger and from this distance it was a one hundred percent fatal shot but that wasn’t the scariest part. No it was the fact that she wore the same look on her face as he did when he was young.

‘’Easy (First) they’re with me.’’ Marcus spoke calmly and sure enough she lowered the rifle body still screaming the word ‘threat’ but she placed the rifle down and move silently away. Dean turned looking a Marcus confusion written all over his face.

‘’(First) is my daughter.’’ Was the only explanation that he gave them, ‘’Didn’t know you had a daughter, how old is she?’’ Sam asked, ‘’She’s twelve.’’

It all made sense now how he dropped off the radar, the argument he had with John before they fell out. Though it was a muffled argument Dean had managed to catch the odd few sentences and insults they had thrown at one another.

‘’Don’t tell me how to raise my kids!’’

‘’You’re not worth your weight in salt!’’

Marcus had dropped of the radar only taking the odd small hunt here and there all because he had his daughter with him. That was the most common argument between his father and Marcus he didn’t like the John dragged them around with him, making them into his representation of soldiers. Now Marcus was doing the same to his daughter there was no doubt in Dean’s mind that he was training her all the hours of the day.

She moved so silently that Dean wouldn’t have even registered her presence until he heard the bedsprings squeak as she sat down on one of the motel beds. (First) didn’t speak, she didn’t do anything but watch them and rub her wrists together - a nervous tick by the looks of it.

Marcus slowly started explaining the case but Dean’s mind was preoccupied with the young girl who was sat across the room a book in hand, Just like Sammy. There was something wrong her body posture was no more relaxed that what it was when they first turned up.

‘’(First) how many flare guns and cartridges do we have?’’

‘’Four guns, ten cartridges.’’

‘’You sure?’’

‘’Yes, sir.’’

Dean wanted to cringe Marcus had changed so much over the years from a fun loving guy to this, this drill sergeant just like his father. Dean has spent his entire life being the strong one, the anchor. Not only for his younger brother, but to a certain extent his father. (First) may not have any other siblings but she had to put on this strong and brave face for her father just like he did. He became the mother figure; in his own irascible, flippant way, he was the one who never lost sight of the fact that vengeance was secondary to family. His family has always come first with him; he was willing to subjugate whatever dreams or aspirations that he had to stand by his father’s side and be whatever John needed him to be because John often left Dean in charge when he went hunting, he was forced to create his own way of dealing with his fears. He had no one to assure him that Dad was going to return alive and well, no one to share that burden with, not even Sam.

So he reassured himself. He built John up into a superhero, because to face the fact that John was only human would allow Dean’s fears to take precedence. And he couldn’t afford to be afraid. He had to be the strong one, for Sam.

Sigmund Freud would have a field day studying Dean Winchester a man ruled by his Id. He is constantly satisfying his pleasure principle with either sex, hunting, or food, just like Sammy said; ‘’You’re like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies.“

In the stages of psychosexual development, Dean may be stuck in the oral stage on the basis of constantly putting something in his mouth. However if you asked Dean himself with his habit of stuffing his face whenever it came to food was down to the reason way back to his younger days. He always made sure that Sammy never went without even going as far to starve himself so Sam had a decent meal, so when it came to the opportunity to eat, he would eat as much as he could it a small amount of time because of the fear of not knowing when his next meal would be.

It was like an icy cold dagger to the heart when he realised that (First) would be sat in a dirty motel room while Marcus went off hunting. Frightened, scared and alone.

The way in which John raised Dean fostered insecurities, not that he would openly admit it to anyone. His father placed a great deal of responsibility on him; he wasn’t shielded as Sam was. John drummed into Dean that his job was to take care of his little brother a job that he took full responsibility of, hell, he’d practically raised the kid from being six months old but deep down in his heart it made him think and feel as though Sam was more important than him. Even when John sacrificed his life for Dean, he still believes that he wasn’t deserving of his dad’s love, after all his failings as a big brother.

To this day there is a little part of him that believes that John died for him so that he could save Sam. Obviously, Sammy felt closer to Dean than his own father and if Sam and John had been left alone together, they would have clashed endlessly and Sam would have felt more alone than ever and therefore been more vulnerable to Azazel’s influence and gone dark side.

Just looking at the girl he could already seen the insecurities that were blooming her silence wasn’t because there was new people around it was because she didn’t want to do or say anything that would made her father angry.

But what felt like more like a kick to the balls? When Marcus announced she was coming with them. There was nothing he could do or say that would change Marcus’ mind and the twelve year old simply stood up and walked out the door. Yeah, this hunt was going to suck. Sammy was on pins as well clearly not comfortable with the prospects of the young girl hunting with them.

‘’I don’t like this Dean.’’

‘’And you think I do? Marcus, man he’s changed.’’ Sam nodded, ‘’I know dude he used to rip dad a new one each time he brought one of us on a hunt.’’

‘’Something must of happened.’’ Dean didn’t reply he just kept on driving with a feeling of dread in his stomach.

The fading of the sunlight had also meant the fading of the heat. Wintry air swirled around him taking every lick of warmth it could. He wrapped his arms tighter around himself, pulling his coat closed and tucking his chin downward into his pullover. His breath was now visible under the moonlight. With hours left before dawn and the air smelling of overdue rain, Dean picked up the pace keeping an eye out for the young girl that was a step in front of him.

It was silent and creepily so they’d been walking for at least an hour and (First) was keeping up the hunting rifle looked huge in her hands. (First) stopped walking her attention snapped up looking into the trees. Dean knelt down, ‘’What’s up kiddo?’’

‘’Up there, in the tree.’’

He followed her line of sight and sure as hell the Wendigo was watching them, ‘’Good eyes you got there.’’ He praised ruffling her hair. (First) squirmed at his touch and looked down, looks like she wasn’t praised enough.

‘’What is it?’’ Marcus’ gruff voice asked, ‘’It’s in the tree right in front of us.’’

Marcus took aim and fired but the Wendigo was faster, Dean felt the air rip past him and the sound of (First) scream as she was thrown backwards, landing not so gracefully. Dean’s first priority was the girl screaming at Sam to cover him. Marcus on the overhand was hell bent on killing the damn thing rather that his kid. She was conscious at least that was a good thing the wind had been knocked out of her, ‘’You okay?’’

‘’F-fine.’’ She took in a huge gulp of air before her eyes went wide, ‘’Behind you!’’ As the words left her mouth Dean was thrown directly at Sam and Marcus. The Wendigo let out a roar and before the three hunters got a chance to pull themselves together, the Wendigo was gone taking (First) with it.

The red mist descended over Dean and just as Marcus picked himself up Dean had he up against a tree. ‘’This is all your fault! You just had to bring her with you, this is the most reckless decision you have ever made!’’

Sam tried to pull him away, ‘’Dean.’’

‘’No Sammy, he will listen to me! You used to tear John a new one every time he brought us on a hunt.’’ He slammed him again, ‘’It was the biggest issue you had with him! Now you’ve put your own kid at risk and for what?’’

Marcus squared his shoulders, ‘’She is my daughter.’’

‘’They’re my kids not not yours.’’ Dean impersonated his father, ‘’You sound just like him!’’ He walked away running a hand through his hair, ‘’You don’t see what I see.’’

‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’

‘’What I see if a twelve year old girl who was holding a gun on us as we walked into the motel room, I see a girl who doesn’t know what to do with herself around people, I see a girl who is scared. Scared of everything.’’ Dean took in a breath, ‘’I see a twelve year old girl’s father who is ignoring all the signs.’’

‘’You don’t understand.’’ The older hunter spoke through gritted teeth, ‘’Oh I do understand because I was that twelve year old once! When you bring on a hunt she’s scared, when you leave her in the motel room alone and waiting she’s scared, scared of the idea that you could die and leave her alone. No kid should have to worry about that.’’

His family has been the core of his existence for his whole life Dean couldn’t stand the thought of going on alone it was his deepest, darkest fear. He truly thinks that Sam deserves to live more than he does, it’s ingrained in him to put Sam before himself. At that point he believed that  Sam was almost saint like and himself as a degenerate sinner. His only redemption would be to sacrifice himself for his brother. In that way, he could pay for all his sins and make up for "failing” his father.

Which he did when Sam had died Dean had sold his soul to save him because Sam deserved to live. Having only a year to live forced him to look at himself and his life and realize that he wasn’t completely worthless. His impending doom made him admit to himself that he didn’t deserve to go to hell; that his only merit wasn’t just protecting Sam and that he needed to be protected just as much as his younger brother. It even forced him to admit that John wasn’t faultless; that he was wrong to dump so much responsibility on Dean. Of course, it took him a long time to reach this epiphany and he, in typical fashion, compensated for his fears by acting like an ass.

He continued, ‘’She needs stability, she needs to go to school so she can learn and achieve something that means more than killing something. She needs normal and you’re taking that away from her!’’

Dean’s anger was climbing higher and higher the more Marcus was silent, ‘’Do you want her to grow up like me? A person that can only function if he’s killing something, getting drunk to the point where he’s passing out on a daily basis and fucking anything in a short skirt?’’ He shoved Marcus once more, ‘’Do you?!’’

‘’No,’’ His reply was meak and broken he was not the fun loving guy he once was, no, Marcus was now a broken man who wa going to break his daughter in the process if he didn’t stop. ‘’What happened to you man? What happened?’’  

‘’A werewolf killed her mother.’’ Marcus, ‘’After that I lost it.’’

‘’Killing in revenge isn’t going to help.’’

‘’Didn’t stop your father.’’ Marcus tried to protest, ‘’Yeah, well look where he is! He’s dead his mission killed him and we.’’ Motioning to Sam, ‘’Had to pick up the pieces.’’

‘’Guys.’’ Sam interrupted, ‘’This isn’t helping we need to find (First) and by the looks of it she left us a trail.’’ He pointed to an mark in the soil which which looked to have been made by the butt of the rifle she was holding. ‘’Smart kid.’’

‘’You just better pray she’s still alive.’’

The trail led them to an cave. It was a cave mouth of impenetrable blackness, as Dean stepped in he watched his shadow dissolve into the surrounding darkness. It was dank and the only sound was the dripping water. The cave wormed its way half a mile into the mountain. The walls below the ridge smoothly curved to the floor, the walls above arched another hundred feet up to giant stalactites and the bat roosts. Small, loose stones littered the floor causing him to trip The cave was lit up as they shone the beams of their torches ahead the beam of her torch was enveloped and lost in the blackness, lighting up the tunnel ahead and bathing the entire cavern in a flickering orange glow.

Flare guns at the ready they walked through the cave looking out for any signs were (First) was taken not long in they found the rifle she was holding broken in half. Then there was a scream - human scream - followed by a very freighened. ‘’No! No, don’t hurt him!’’

The sound of flesh being torn apart was a sound that was horrific but the worst part was that (First) was in the same place. Her scream was something Dean heard in his nightmares, like the screams he heard in hell.

Dean caught the Wendigo as it was feasting the flare blasting through its chest leaving it a pile of ash. He left it there not caring he needed to get (First) the heck outta dodge, her face was slack, mouth slightly open, body unmoving and the color drained from her face as she stare wide-eyed at something no one else can see. He could barely see her breath, shock, she was going into shock.

Completely limp as he cut her down he carried her bridal style out of the cave sitting her down on tree stump. Marcus was quick on his heels and begrudgingly let him take over, the older man cupped his daughter’s face before stripping off his jacket and wrapping it tightly around her.

‘’It ate him.’’ Voice barely above a whisper, ‘’It ate him.’’ She hiccuped and the dam broke tears spilling down her cheeks. ‘’Oh sweetheart.’’

‘’It went for me but he stopped it and now he’s dead and it’s all my fault.’’

‘’No, it’s not your fault. Come on let’s go.’’ Marcus picked her up and nodded at both boys, the hunt was over but the aftermath was just beginning.

The night was long Dean could hear her screams the paper thin wall separating the motel rooms doing nothing to block out the sound. He used to be like that waking up screaming in the middle of the night. He could picture her screaming, covered in a thin veil of sweat, shaking like a leaf. Dean had offered to watch over her so Marcus could get a cup of coffee and food, she was wide awake watching him as if she was trying to find the right words to say to him.

‘’Thank you.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’Saving me.’’ Dean smiled lopsided smile, ‘’No need to thank me sweetheart it’s my job.’’

‘’Do you think we could of saved him?’’ Her voice cracked a little unshed tears in her eyes, Dean moved to sit on the bed and she wasted no time  in climbing into his lap, fingers finding interest in the amulet, - Just like Sammy.

‘’Questions like that we don’t always have the answer to; hunting isn’t all black and white as people make it out to be it’s full of grey areas.’’ He slowly spoke running a hand through her hair scratching the scalp slightly, ‘’We can’t always save everyone.’’

‘’I wanna be like you.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Brave, strong; to be someone who people can rely on.’’ She spoke quietly and Dean let out a small laugh, if she knew the real him, ‘’You don’t wanna be like me, sweetheart.’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’I don’t want you to be like me, I want you to be you.’’ Dean pressed a small kiss to the top of her head before he pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket, ‘’Now, this is my number,’’ Pressing the piece of paper into one of her hands, ‘’If you need anything and I mean anything; if you’re worried about something, or something has happened and even if you need me to beat somebody up at school for you.’’

She giggled and it was like music to his ears, ‘’You call me okay?’’

‘’Why are you doing this?’’

‘’Because sweetheart, family don’t end with blood.’’


End file.
